With a heavy heart

The words from the Natalie Grant song, "this is what it means to be held" are ringing in my head and in my heart the past few days. "How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive" are such powerful words that express what so many of us never want to feel - the loss of a child.

We learned a few days ago, that a couple from our TLC bible study group, who were 7 months pregnant (due the end of May), had found out their baby had died in utero. They were in Montana visiting her family, and after awhile of not feeling the baby move - they went into the hospital to find out there was no heartbeat.

I am still trying to grasp the situation.

When I was pregnant with Big Boy, I started bleeding unexpectedly, and knew I was suffering a miscarriage. I'll never forget that feeling of helplessness, and dismay - thinking our little one was gone. When we made it into the ultrasound room, the nurse forgot to turn the heartbeat monitor on right away, so my first glimpse of our baby was motionless, soundless, and full of an intense grief that I know only slightly compares to this couple's grief.

Needless to say, the nurse finally turned on the heartbeat monitor - saying her apologies for forgetting, ( I believe it was when she saw my pool of tears that she had the light bulb turn on) We had only had a blood clot that had burst - mimicking a miscarriage - being of the lucky few to walk away with a healthy baby still protected and doing well. God definitely protected us.

This couple had to give birth to their little one - saying farewell to a life that they will only get to know further in heaven someday. I would covet your prayers for this precious family. They are newly married, and as you could probably imagine something like this could easily tear a couple apart.

They are having a memorial service for baby "Ella" in Montana tomorrow (Saturday). And come back home next week, without her.

God is a just and good God. This I know. I also know that He won't give us more than we can handle. But death, especially of a little one seems too hard for me to grasp at this moment. I look at my little ones and count them such blessings in a world full of hurt and brokenness. Even when we can't understand the pain, or the reason behind life's tragedies, we can hold firm to Him who's the anchor for the times in our life when we experience the "storm" and uncertainty.