With a heavy heart

The words from the Natalie Grant song, "this is what it means to be held" are ringing in my head and in my heart the past few days. "How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive" are such powerful words that express what so many of us never want to feel - the loss of a child.

We learned a few days ago, that a couple from our TLC bible study group, who were 7 months pregnant (due the end of May), had found out their baby had died in utero. They were in Montana visiting her family, and after awhile of not feeling the baby move - they went into the hospital to find out there was no heartbeat.

I am still trying to grasp the situation.

When I was pregnant with Big Boy, I started bleeding unexpectedly, and knew I was suffering a miscarriage. I'll never forget that feeling of helplessness, and dismay - thinking our little one was gone. When we made it into the ultrasound room, the nurse forgot to turn the heartbeat monitor on right away, so my first glimpse of our baby was motionless, soundless, and full of an intense grief that I know only slightly compares to this couple's grief.

Needless to say, the nurse finally turned on the heartbeat monitor - saying her apologies for forgetting, ( I believe it was when she saw my pool of tears that she had the light bulb turn on) We had only had a blood clot that had burst - mimicking a miscarriage - being of the lucky few to walk away with a healthy baby still protected and doing well. God definitely protected us.

This couple had to give birth to their little one - saying farewell to a life that they will only get to know further in heaven someday. I would covet your prayers for this precious family. They are newly married, and as you could probably imagine something like this could easily tear a couple apart.

They are having a memorial service for baby "Ella" in Montana tomorrow (Saturday). And come back home next week, without her.

God is a just and good God. This I know. I also know that He won't give us more than we can handle. But death, especially of a little one seems too hard for me to grasp at this moment. I look at my little ones and count them such blessings in a world full of hurt and brokenness. Even when we can't understand the pain, or the reason behind life's tragedies, we can hold firm to Him who's the anchor for the times in our life when we experience the "storm" and uncertainty.

Just for fun...

This is what the Kinney's like to call "banana phone conversations."

Ya, we're cool.

Just thought we'd share a bit of our coolness with you!

Who knew bananas could be so useful? Not only do they taste yummy, but to a toddler - all they have to do is put it up to their ear, and magically they hear grandma or grandpa on the other line............

I'm feeling a bit dissed at the moment - because somehow I missed the boat on being the only person they'd want to talk to if they could talk to someone through a banana phone.

I mean seriously, how cool would that be?

What is this crazy world of ours coming too?

Most embarrassing moment of my life, take 2

Ok - so I had a good chuckle at my own expense today, with my 2nd most embarrassing moment. Who knew these two moments would be so close together? They are, though, linked in a very strange way. Here it goes........

I am headed to the Boise court house, to take care of a very important document "aka ticket for excessive speeding" (says the policeman...). I have never been to this court house, because we've recently moved - and I am a rather good girl when it comes to breaking the law-n-such.

I have Peanut with me, so in order to remain somewhat composed through the whole going in and paying and trying not to sound off any alarms or break any more laws, I decide to strap Peanut into our rather large "cadillac stroller". It's pretty obvious WHY it's called the "cadillac" but for those of you not used to strollers, I will fill you in on the fact that we have moved small households with all this puppy can carry.

Ok - back on track, sorry!

So, I'm headed up the ramp to the HUGE, SCARY, courthouse front doors only to find that they are not the usual automatic opening doors like at the mall.... They are the fancy revolving doors that you would find downtown NYC at Bloomingdales.

No sweat - I can fit the cadillac and me in one of those slots no prob.

My eyes glance quickly at the handicap button that allows you to SLOW the revolvingness of the doors - but my attention is quickly diverted as I gear up to just go for it.

Big mistake.

I make it into the "stall" alright, no problem actually. It's when the doors try to continue revolving that we run into a slight issue. Me and the cadillac are not allowing ANY motion, so the doors start hurking and jerking until finally I am flung into the foyer of the courthouse.

There were definitely AT LEAST 15 security guards smirking at me as I try to pull some composure out and look like a not-so-crazy-person.

The poor guy who happened to be in the stall behind me offered the only help, by asking if I was alright........

"Ya" I say "that was pretty awesome" as I try to catch my breath because I am laughing so hard - trying not to cry.

All of this because of a stupid speeding ticket!

Just for fun, I looked up the definition of a "revolving door" and here is what wikipedia says:

"A revolving door typically consists of three or four doors that hang on a center shaft and rotate around a vertical axis within a round enclosure. Revolving doors are energy efficient by eliminating drafts, thus reducing the heating or cooling required for the building.[1] At the same time, revolving doors allow large numbers of people to pass in and out."

Let's just say the last little bit about "allowing large numbers of people to pass in and out" could be a bit of a crock.

Be advised: Large strollers DO NOT mix with revolving doors!

Happenings

So, due to a finicky bug of some sort, that I believe I contracted from the youngest member of our family - I have been a little down and out the past few days. I say all of that, because alot of fun stuff happened this past weekend that I wanted to share with you sooner.

My friend Julie Turner, who I am recently doing promotional stuff for, had her first ever "CD Release Concert." Talk about fun! She looked like a rockstar, too, which is always cool (to say that you're friends with the rockstar) because somehow you end up feeling that enthusiasm along with all of the hype of such an event. Ok, I was totally a groupie that night (along with Sarah!)

Ya, we were cool. Old, but cool nonetheless.

Oh, did I mention that I was the MC for the night? Oh, talk about a stretch! But Sarah was a good "mental coach" for my little moments on stage. I am definitely glad that is over, thought, something about the sound of my own voice on a microphone just doesn't do it for me. Not quite as cool as when you were younger and would record yourself singing into the tape recorder, only to play it back and have it sound like a completely different person..... Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!! I know I wasn't the only one who used to do that....

If you want to check out Julie and her new CD, go to her website at www.julieturnermusic.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just for fun, I thought I'd share with you some random things said in our house recently:

Big Boy: (when asked to pray at dinner last night) says "Dear Jesus, thank you for today, thank you for the letter "T" and for how whale starts with "T" and for rainbows and for ice cream. Amen"

Peanut: His new question for everything is "whattis it?" "Mommmmm, whattis it?" Even if you just told him, he's still got to ask a few more times just to make sure you know what it is.

Big Boy: (again at dinner) starts sounding out "cc-oo-ff-ee" (we have a coffee picture on the wall in the dining room). So we start going with it, all too excited to think our 3 1/2 yr old is reading, what??? So Hubs starts pointing at a different coffee print on the wall that says "cafe". We hear "cc-aa-ff-ee". Then, "coffee!!!" Only in our house would everything spell out coffee.

And last but not least...............

Big Boy: "mommy, are we gonna watch American Idol?" Ya - we're all addicted, even if hubs won't admit it.........